Back to School Anxiety Isn't Just for Kids
School supplies? Bought. Backpack? Packed. First-day outfit? Perfected. Kids? Excited.
So why do I still feel so anxious about back-to-school?
Maybe you can’t stop thinking about the demands of homework, new activities, extracurriculars, busy schedules and all of the new beginnings that come with the fall. Or maybe your mind is filled with an ongoing stream of what-ifs that keep you up at night:
What if they don’t make friends?
What if they hate their new teacher?
What if they’re not ready for the new school year?
And…
What if I can’t keep up with the demands of a seemingly ever-growing fall schedule?
Anxiety wants certainty
One of the hardest parts of the back-to-school season is that you can’t know exactly how everything will go. This type of uncertainty is the perfect breeding ground for anxiety. What’s anxiety’s natural response to uncertainty? Trying to solve it. The problem then becomes that the more we try to eliminate uncertainty, the more the brain learns that uncertainty is something we need to eliminate, rather than face.
Instead, when we’re facing uncertainty or the endless “what-ifs”, we can remind ourselves: “Even if I don’t know exactly how this new school year will go, I can trust myself to respond to whatever comes up for my child (and myself!). I don’t need to have all of the answers right now.”
Therapist Tip #1 - Turn your “what ifs” into “even ifs”…
What if = your mind gets hooked on an imagined worst-case outcome.
Even if = your focus shifts to your ability to cope, feel, and take action regardless of the outcome.
Getting curious about anxiety
If you find yourself feeling more anxious about back-to-school than you may have expected, try getting curious about why this is happening. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of, what’s within your control, and whether you’re falling into the trap of trying to prevent your child from experiencing discomfort.
Therapist Tip #2: Focus on what you can control.
You can pack their lunches, prepare their backpack, establish a bedtime routine, and offer reassurance. You can’t control whether or not they have a good day or how the school year will go for them. Shifting focus away from what is outside of your control and concentrating on what you can do gives you a greater sense of personal agency, thereby reducing anxiety and stress.
As parents it’s completely normal to want to protect our kids from discomfort, sadness, and difficult feelings, but we can’t always do that. Maybe they had a tough first day and cried at drop-off, or told you they never want to go back, leaving you wracking your brain for how to fix it. You can’t make these big feelings disappear, but you can communicate that their feelings are allowed and that they are capable of handling them as well. Especially with you by their side to help them figure it out.
Sometimes our role is to simply be with our children while they experience this discomfort, helping them to develop greater emotional resilience, self-confidence, and unique coping skills of their own.
Therapist Tip #3: Model confidence to your child.
Try saying “It makes sense that you’re nervous, but I know you can handle whatever comes up. Let’s figure this out together.” This validates their feelings, reinforces self-confidence, and reassures them that you’re there walking through this with them too.
Final Reminders
Back to school isn’t about being a perfect parent, creating the perfect schedule, and adjusting to new routines instantly. Back to school is a transition, and let’s be real, transitions are hard. You and your child are allowed to take it one day at a time, giving yourself grace, and knowing that you will adjust, as you have always done in the past with other transitions.
If you’re finding it difficult to navigate transitions, while also being a supportive presence for your child, therapy can help. Our therapists can support you in navigating anxiety, transitions, and building tools to feel more grounded during times of change. Check out our therapists here and book your free 15-minute consultation today.
