Stuff the Turkey, Not Your Feelings: Navigating Difficult Dynamics at Thanksgiving
For many, Thanksgiving is a time of family, food, and tradition. For others, it can also bring complicated feelings, especially when identity, values, or worldviews collide at the dinner table. Maybe you’ve felt dismissed, misunderstood, or even out of place in your own family.
Here’s an important truth: it’s okay to skip or step away from gatherings that feel unsafe or unsupportive.
Your wellbeing matters, and taking care of yourself is a valid, healthy choice, even if it means celebrating in different ways than you are used to. This truth remains so even if your family doesn’t particularly like it.
The holidays can be both joyful and challenging. You deserve to feel safe, seen, and grounded. With that in mind, here are some therapist-informed strategies to help you navigate family differences while protecting your peace.
1. Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself
It’s tempting to imagine a picture-perfect gathering where everyone feels connected and understood. But if your family has a history of invalidating or dismissing parts of who you are, expecting unconditional acceptance may set you up for disappointment. Instead, go in knowing that difficult dynamics may arise, and that’s okay.
Your goal isn’t to change anyone else; it’s to honour your own needs and limits.
2. Decide When to Engage and When to Step Back
When painful or hurtful comments arise, try asking yourself: Is it worth my energy to respond right now? Sometimes, speaking up is the empowering choice. Other times, protecting your peace by letting it pass, or even leaving the gathering entirely, is the healthier and more empowering choice.
Choosing your own safety and comfort is valid and necessary.
3. Use Boundaries as Acts of Self-Compassion
Boundaries don’t make you difficult, they help you stay safe and grounded. They might look like:
Redirecting the conversation: “I’d rather not get into that today, tell me about your favorite holiday tradition instead.”
Taking a break: stepping outside, texting a trusted friend, or giving yourself permission to regroup.
Limiting your time: leaving early if the gathering becomes overwhelming.
Boundaries are not walls; they’re pathways back to your wellbeing. Remember: boundaries aren’t about other people, but about what you are willing to do for yourself.
4. Ground Yourself When Emotions Rise
If you feel yourself shutting down, dissociating, or heating up inside, grounding tools can help you return to the present moment:
Breathe deeply: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6.
Notice your senses: 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
Self-reminder: “I can’t control what others say, but I can choose how I care for myself.”
5. Create Nourishment Outside the Table
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to revolve around the moments that hurt. Seek what brings you comfort, sharing inside jokes with a sibling or cousin, savouring a favorite dish, or planning time with chosen family and friends who celebrate you. Your holiday doesn’t have to fit anyone else’s definition of meaningful, it just has to feel supportive to you.
Final Note
Family gatherings can stir up big feelings, especially when identity differences or old wounds come to the surface. It’s okay to leave a gathering early, to spend time with people who make you feel safe, or to create your own traditions that honour who you are. Protecting your peace is not selfish, it’s essential.
If family stress is weighing heavily on you this season, therapy can be a space to process those emotions and practice healthier ways of coping. Reach out here to book a session with a therapist who gets it. You deserve support through the holidays and beyond.
